Addressing American Stereotypes

There's a commonly held belief among Indians that American women are, well, slutty.

And that really makes me mad because how could they think...

oh.

Okay. Sure. That's one but...

*sigh*



Well, yes. There's Britney, too. But two trashy women hardly makes ...

*facepalm*



Okay, You've made your point. There's no need to ...



Tara Fucking Reid! Come on! She's ... probably Canadian.



Well, surely India has their share of celebrities with questionable morals.

A simple Google search should clear that up ...





Fine. You win this one, India.

Wally

So most mornings, Babita cleans the apartment while I walk around with a coffee mug trying to look like I serve some kind of purpose. Which makes me this guy:

The resemblence is uncanny! I even wear glasses!

Holi Moli

Yesterday was Holi, the festival of colors. It is celebrated by throwing colored powders and water at one another. In the morning, the kids and I went up to the terrace and threw waterballons at the pedestrians and cyclists in the street below. I thought it was amazing that every single person laughed when we threw the balloons at them (probably because we missed every time) and one guy even threw a waterballoon back at us.

In the afternoon, we got a call from our landlord/neighbor, Guncha, to come down and play holi. I'm starting to have a Pavlovian response to her phone calls ... because it's always something awesome! She has someone to clean my house, or they want us to come fly kites on the roof, or there are monkeys in the driveway! We threw colored powders and shot waterguns. Eventually, just started dumping buckets of water on each other. The kids (and grown-ups) had so much fun!

Katie's nose is still pink.

Playing Holi

More Holi fun in the driveway



Sana



Sanjeeve

Group Shot

Watch out for that one! She's sneaky!

The kids - dirty and happy!

Family Portrait

This was after we started throwing buckets of water.

The dirtiest player gets the dirtiest. I think that's how karma works.

The Monkey Dances at Midnight

At 5:30 tonight, I get a call from my landlord/downstairs neighbor: "Casey, come down. The monkeys are dancing in the driveway." I had her repeat that to make sure I heard it correctly, and yes, she said there were monkeys dancing in the driveway. Then I thought, "Is that code for something? Like 'The crow flies at midnight'? What does it mean????"

Oh, she meant, "The monkeys are dancing in the driveway." They had hired a monkey trainer to put on a show in the driveway!

The trainer narrated a story while the monkeys did their thing. According to the story, the monkeys are married. The girl monkey wants nicer clothes and tells the boy monkey that she's leaving him unless she gets better duds. Well, the boy monkey's not gonna take her shit, so he threatens to beat her with a stick unless she comes with him. Then he gets a gun and drags her out by the tail. It was so great, we had him do it again because Michael and Katie missed the first show due to after-school activities!



Pictured: Marital "bliss"



She even hates his car.


 

This is where he prepares to pop a cap in her ass.



Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.

The kids loved the show! Things like this make the adjustment to a new country a little easier. I asked Michael "Have you ever come home from school to find a monkey play in the driveway?" He said "No! India is awesome!" I have to agree.

Not a Joke

Q: How many people does it take to hook up a washing machine?

A: 5!
    1. A delivery man to bring it in.
    2. An electrician to plug it in.
    3. A plumber to connect the hose.
    4. A representative from the manufacturer to give a demo*
    5. A supervisor to watch them all.

*The demo was absolutely the best part! The manufacturer sends someone to show you exactly how to use the machine. The guy came up and stared at the washing machine for a good 3 minutes. It was like he had never seen a washing machine in his life ... not just *this* washing machine, but *any* washing machine! After pacing around the machine a few times, he proceeded to read aloud all the temperature settings from the front panel. So the demo went like this: "Uh, this is 30 degrees. This is 40 degrees. This is 60 degrees ..." Just for fun, I'd ask him to repeat them. "Wait!?! What was that last one?!?!" "This is 30 degrees. This is 40 degrees. This is 60 degrees ..."

So, it took 5 days from the time the washing machine was delivered until it was finally hooked up. I put in a load of clothes and came back about an hour later to move them to the dryer. When I reached in to pull out the wet clothes, I got quite a shock! It turns out that the outlet wasn't grounded. (Electricity + Metal Washer + Wet Clothes = Ouchie) When I looked at closely at the outlet, I could see that the plug had started melting. We got an electrician over and he fixed the wiring. After the repair, he told me to touch the washer to check it. Eeek! That's when the housekeeper stepped in. She insisted on checking it first to make sure it was okay before I touched it. Apparently, there is an order to things here, and I die second, after the housekeeper. I'm cool with that.

The offending washer is on the left. It just stares at you with it's one cold, unfeeling eye.
If I knew how to photoshop, I would have made it glow red, like the Terminator.



View from the outdoor laundry room. Glad this was fixed before monsoon season.



Walk to the Bus Stop

Our walk to the bus stop takes us:



Through the Gate of Certain Tripping



Over the Rubble Fields



Past the Twin Piles of Temptation



Around the Puddle of Imminent Death

And Finally to the Bus Stop

Here Comes the Bus!

Holi Celebration

Holi, the Festival of Colors, is celebrated by throwing colored powders and water at one another. It falls on March 20th this year, but American Embassy School had the Elementary School Holi Celebration today. There was kite flying, tug of war, a cricket match and a Holi powder/water fight!

In white shirts, before the celebration

The Band

Flying Kites

A Traditional Indian Lunch

The Celebration Begins

Loading Up on Colored Powders and Flowers

It's starting to get messy!

Me and the Kids

Katie was totally in her element!!

Steve and Michael before clean-up

As you can see, we got messy and had a blast!! The colored powders are made from flowers collected at the temples, so they are totally non-toxic and wash out of your clothes. 

This was an early Holi celebration, and I've been told that it gets even worse in the streets during the actual festival.  Apparently, people will launch water balloons (and more!) over their balconies at the unsuspecting pedestrians below. I've been warned by the neighbors not to walk anywhere on Holi and I plan to heed their advice.